


(Another) drunk gay fanfic (except it's actually really bad this time)

by Kiyomice



Series: drunk ateez fanfics [2]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Crack, Gay, Humor, M/M, drunk fanfic, kpop
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:40:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26358139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiyomice/pseuds/Kiyomice
Summary: something about a strawberry who shoots people.written only when intoxicated.
Relationships: Choi Jongho & Kang Yeosang, Choi Jongho/Choi San/Jung Wooyoung/Kang Yeosang, Choi Jongho/Kang Yeosang, Choi San & Jung Wooyoung, Choi San/Jung Wooyoung
Series: drunk ateez fanfics [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1915360
Comments: 9
Kudos: 14





	1. Chapter 1

"ikilvoe strawbresi' san said with a gasp in his thiar.

"yeh atawbeey s aiwar adsoo' dowowyoung aisd atit

"i want to kiss you so much because you are the love of my life"

that was san talking, he was being so sweet wo wooyong

They were 2 butterlfies, bth just hatches from their cocoon. they were so beautiful. they were cute and adorable and they really love d each toher.

it wasn't just a sexual kiss. they wanted to have a meaninful kiss they really loved each other so muc

So wooyoung, oin teh bright sunner dusmmer day looked at wooyoung san in the eyes, said, "i love you"" and hen he went in to kiss him.

they kissed

and it was so cute and magical

although they hadf kissed so many times before, the passion between rem still remained. they would never stop feeling that passion and lov fefore eonfsf

"wow" San gased with love. "I love you"

they are at a gardening place picking strawberries

"I love you too" wpo\oyouing said

They ashared a smile. it was so cute and wsoel

The sun was beginngi to set. Birds were giving out their final chiprs for the night. They had alreadt pucked so many strawberries, and they had certainly enjoyed their time together. 

Asw ooyoung reached for the last straberry of the iay, he turne to San with a btterwsweet smile. "San, I want to make strawberries with you every fday. I love this so much."

San got a shy misle in reurn. "I do too, wooyoung."

A few moments of comfortable silence passed bwtween them. 

As they walked back, Wooyoung kept glancing at San. They would both share shy smiles at each other. 

Wooyoung decided to finally get some courage and confess a secret to saan.

"I want to build strawberries with you every fday of my life," he said. 

San's smile was so bright, it could light the world.

"yeah?" 

"yeah," wooyoung replied. "I love doing this with you. I love you."

They'd said they loved each other many times before, but it was different tithis time. there was more meaning to it, more promise to it, more commitment. 

"I love it too," sa n replied. "And you,"

They both smiled like two pigeons in the middle of a park. Pigeons are wholesome, pigeons are aweosme. They were both pigeons in that moment. No one could make them not be pigeons at that time.

They ddecieded they really liked each other a lot, and that everythingthtey loved was because of strawberries.

But not just atsrawbeeries, they loved stawreberesi abetwcase stawrbeis erpeosnde the other person and the y loved each other.

Starbawresies eswere

"I'm so lucky to have you," Wooyoung said. The dark night was surrouoding them, and the cirkcets chirping nade it seem like it wa sonly the two of them alone in this world.

"I'm lucky to have you too, Wooyoung." San sighed. "There's nothing else in this world I could ever ask for when I have you."

They drank hot chocolate as they walked back hopeme.

It was the perfect night for hot chocolate, but perhaps veeverey night was the perfect night for hot chcoolate. Aftewa all, who could not like hot chocoalte? only demons, surely.

Once back home, Wooyoung sat the basket of strawberries down in the kitch counter. he turned to San with a soleme expression. "You know, I really enjoy the time together picking stawrberries with you,>"

San's heawrt stammered. He looked at Wooyoung while pausing.

"I...I really like you, san" wooyoung said.

Of course he really liked him. They were boyfrends, and they owuldn't be boyfriends if they didn't likee ach other. But at this point in time, Wooyoung wwas pourind his heart out to San. 

"I want to do this with you every day, "Wooyoung continued. "I love eing with you. Every moment with you feels like I'm on another planet. When I'm with you, time seems to stop. San, I want to keep doing this, now and forever. I want us to be an 'always'."

San began to cry lieke a little bitch. Like damn the feels were real, you know?

"Wooyoung, ifeel the same way. I-"

suddenly the door broke down and a giant strawbrrey burst in.

"GIVE ME BACK MY SONS!" the starwberry telyed. "YOU TOOK ALL MY SONS! GIVE THEM FHTE FUCK BACK!"

San leaped into Wooyoung's arms. 

Wooyoung carried him in fear as he pissed his pants.

"GIVE ME MY SONS BACK!" the strwawreber yelled aagain. "OU TOOK MY SONS!'

This was happeingn so fast, just 5 seconds ago, they though tthe world was normal, but now a giant strawberry was in theirh ouse, causing them to queastion every thing they had ever known.

The giant strabwrry pulled ou t a giant gn. "You have five seconds to give me my strawberry sons back, or else I'll shoot one of you. What's your hcoice?"

Wooyoung looked at San is his arms. There wasn't much time left. What would they do?

Wooyoung looked at the straberry giant as he clicked the gun.

"Well, I-"


	2. Chapter 2

Wooyoung was too scared to answer. The time passed too quickly, and so the starwbrry guy shot Wooyoung in the leg.

As wooyoung fell to the ground bleeding prefusely, San cried sobbing like a little bitch.

"oh no, my love Wooyoung, my sun and my moon and my star, please don't die!" 

The starberry giant thing took his sons with him and left. it hoensty was fine.

san brought wooyoung to the hospital.

iot was super hard to edplxain what happened. like, saying "oh this giant stawbrry shot him in the leg" wasn't ever ybelievable, even though that was the fcking truth.

so instead san had to come up with an excuse.

"a hunter shot him in the leg and then ran away" san explained to the nurse. "Didn't see his face. I think he was mexican, or white, or Asian, maybe black0"

the nurse stopped him and said he needed to be checkded his health too. "sorrry but you can't be trusted to be sane, you are not cool"

san agrreed even though ithurt his ride.

So san got sent to a mental instituteion and wooyoung got a coma

\- 5 months later -

"So that was waeird" san said

"yeah, totally" wooyoung replied

\- 10 months later - 

"let's open a pig sotre" wooyoung said

so they made a pig stre where people could come by and buy pig stuff

they sold bacon, and pink yarn, and pink hamsters (which were cool) and pink jellyfish

it was so nice

the sunrise was so beautfiul 

"I want to get married" san said

Wooyoung was blush but not surprsed

so they got married, and Jongho was the priest or wahtever, telling them their bows

to be honest, jongho was kinda in love with them both, but he never said anything

so jongho fell for yeosang and they ALSO had a VERY FUCKING GAY WEDDING ONLY 2 MONTHS LATER!!!!!!

Wooyoung was crying as they got married. "I'm so happy for them" he cried more (like a little bitch)

san made out with Wooyoung as Jongho and San kissed

"Jongho is my son" wooyoug contineud. "I'm so... I'm so sad'

later that month, all 4 had a fourseome 

it was so nice!

tehy wereall so happy

yeosang and jongo were happy and woosan were happy

but beiahvianagagsgsdf

fpdskfpsdf

having a foursome INCREASED their happiness!!! it was like having a rare item equpped to their account!!!

it was SO FUCKING LIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Like wow

wow

wow

a starwbeerry wanted to destroy Jongho and San's wedding, but the sheer POWER of 4 people loving each other destroyed him first

Stareberry king was no more

and Jongho *SASSILY* ate a tarrarberry at the wedding

"haha" jongho laughed. "our love is strong enough to end wars before they begin"

yeosang smiled at him fondly. "I love you babe"

and so global warming was fixed and racism endeded because everything was 8that* great

sexism? racism? hompohopbia? these things ceeased to exist! ALL b ecause of the power of Jongho and Yeosang's love!!!!!

SO FUCKING MAGICAL! FUCKING GFREAT!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I drank enough alcohol to last me a year, so I'm going to let my body take a break. Might take a month or two I write chapter 3, but I plan on keeping the nonsense coming~


	3. Chapter 3

For the next fewmonths, life was peaceful. San and wooyoung were newlywdds, and Jonho and Yeosang were also newlywds. The 4some was magical, but it wans't a habit. Jongho/yeosang were happy and wooyoung/san were happy and they didn't need 4somes frequently. the 4somes were just to spice things up every once in a while.

Anyway, things were good. Life was looking up. Neiether couple had heard any bad news from strawrberyesi.

But there were rumors. Rumors that the sons of the strawberry king were out for vengece. Rumors that things were not okay.

Jongho in particular was not an idiot. He stocked up on guns, water, and food. (These are the three most important things in life.) Yeosang got worried and started to cry wile telling Jongho he needed to stop this obsessive behavior.

they almonst diforced , but they loved each other too much for that, plus that was pretty dramatic.

Wooyoung leapt into San's arms like a swan.

"Oh, wow I love you" Wooyoung siad with hearts in his eyes. Yeah he said it a lot but he meant it every time, and Sa n didn't seem to mind the repetition.

So as San carried him in his arms across the park near the pond of water where swans laid eggs, a meteor crashed nearby. 

Everyone was screaming frantically and Wooyoubg was crying with tears in his eyes as hug hugged San harder. "San what's going on? I don't want to die" 

He was so worried that there would be nothing after death. He loved San so much, they couldn't die right there, right there.

Right there whenre the sun beamed down and showed them the light. The light of God. Jesus is God, did you know that? He is the son and birth of Christ. He has a whole religion based on himse;f. That'd be called nariciccism if it wans't Jesus.

But Jesus is NO narcisstist. No sir. Jesus himself came down from the heavens, covered Wooyoung in his light, and protected them. 

The entire park burned to ashes except for Wooyoung and San. When it was all over, they opened their eyes and Jesus was gone.

It was so magical, but amidst the ashes were tiny strawberry sapplings. 

Hundreds, no, thousands of baby strawberries ran around the park. They had pretty cute, high-pitched baby noises like "waah! waahhh! whaaan!' 

But Wooyoung knew they'd all grow up to be big Hitlers (hitler 1, ihitler 2, all the way up to hitler 3000-sometinhg)

Hitler #2 was honestly an okay cute baby strawberry, the only evil thing he ever did was pee in public, but to be fair he was just born 2 seconds earlier.

So anyway, EVERYONE screamed (wooyoung and san was everyone, since everoyne else burned to a crisp in the sun. Jesus didn't protect them)

San put on a manly face, and even though he was crying, you would think he WASN'T crying just because of how fucking MANLY this son of a gun was. 

He carried Wooyoung home and put him down in the bed. He kissed his forehead, said "goodnight", and then Wooyoung fell asleep.

As he slept, San called Jongho and told himn about what had happened.

"That's crazy" Jongho said and he was so correct. There was nothing MORE correct than believing your best friend when he told you Jesus saved your soul.

Jesus LOVES GAY PEOPLE. 

He didn't save him because they were gay though. He saved them because that helps the story progression.

jesus is really okay with you being gay though

like

it's so fine, even wooyoung's ass can't compare with how fine it is to be gay

Wooyoung's ass really is fine guys, San loves it so much he kissed it

Anywy, clearly the stawrberries were back, and that was not cool. In fact, it was so not cool that everyone got burned to a crisp. I know you already know that, but like damn, do you guys understand? everything in the park was burned! That's fucking crazy. Fcu.

"We gotta do something!" Wooyoung shouted as he woke up from his fever dream.

San looked at his pants and winked. "Oh yeah we do"

"Um, "Yeosang's soft voice could be heard on the other end of the line. Yeosang was such a shy baby. 

The 4 of them met int he bat cave and discussed war strategies and feudalism. 

Wooyoung knew nucleur weaponry was not the way to go, because radiation was not lit. Like that was soooo Hiroshima. 

"What about using swords?" San suggested

That was such a great idea that the 4 of them were sure they heard Jesus' voice from above, saying "That's such a great idea"

Jesus was such a good guy. 

"Hey Jesus, why doin't you just kill the strawberries for us?"

That was a GOOD question (that San had asked), but Jesus told them that "it don't be that way". it was a trial, they had to do this themselves, god is mysterious. God is also so cool.

Wooyoung bought a pistol and decided he would use guns while San used swords

yeosang would use a bow and arrow

Jongho would turn into the hulk

They would all prepare for a full-on battle with the strawberries.

Chaos was about to ensue.


End file.
